Friend or Foe: Toilet Tales

Loo, Bog, The Head, Lavy. The toilet has many names. Yet one basic function: Dispose of waste. Afterall, in modern society who wants to chuck waste material out the window onto the streets below? Not I for one.

Initial observation shows the toilet to be our friend. But is it really? I say no. It wastes water. Get it? Wastes...I digress with the Potty Humor. Get it? Potty Humor? hahaha For real now, back on track.

So, if the toilet is a wasteful foe, how can we turn it into a friend without spending hours chatting to it?

Well, for one you will need to run a simple test on your toilet. Think of it as an IQ Test for Porcelain. Just grab yourself some food coloring. Well, grab the little bottle of food coloring. Open the top of the toilet tank and put in a few drops of food coloring. When I ran the tests I did red and blue to make purple. Now, put the top back on the tank and walk away. That is right. Just walk away. Go make some cofee. Read Frugally Fabuloso for a bit. Nap. Whatever it takes for at least two (2) hours to pass.

Head back into the enemy's territory. Lift the lid from the bowl of the toilet and have a look. Is the water crystal clear or is it the color of your food coloring? What we want is crystal clear water. Not even a trace of the food coloring. If your bowl is crystal clear skip three paragraphs.

So, the water in your bowl shows color. *le sigh* This means that your tank is letting water out into the bowl. And in an effort to maintain water level, your bowl is letting the excess out into the pipes. What you have is water being wasted. In essence, you are seeing your money being wasted in technicolor. Even if you do not pay for water, think of the enviromental impact of failing to conserve fresh water.

What to do about this...Simple! You are going to replace the flappy thingy (don't you love my technical terms?) in the tank. As I am not of a technical vocabulary and do not have pictures of doing this, I will direct you to a useful YouTube video to guide you and a lovely step-by-step written instructional.

Once you have done this, you have laid waste to the enemy's defenses. Thus leaving only the final siege and victory.

With your tank now keeping the water inside instead of letting it wander into the bowl, you are faced with another small challenge: Limiting the amount of water used. Oh but I have a new eco-fancy-dancy toilet that saves water? Ha. That is right. I say Ha! There is still water being wasted when you flush. But no fear, as always I have a frugal and fabuloso way to deal with this: Soda.

Soda you say? Are you insane? Well, the tests are still out as far as insanity goes. But, rest assured it will all make sense soon.

Get yourself a soda bottle. Or water bottle if you are still paying for water full of bear and salmon urine. Regardless, you want a bottle or jar. I use a large cleaned glass Mayo jar. I am concerned about plastics and the toxic leaking.

With bottle or jar in hand, fill it with water. Then put the lid back on. Tight. So tight a circus strongman will be required to open it again.

Your jar or bottle in hand, finish your assault upon the enemy to destroy the last defenses. Open the lid of the tank. Taking care to not knock or break any of the toilet tank's innards, ease your bottle or jar into the tank. Displacement. Just like middle school science class.

As the tank, much like the bowl, all have regulators on how much liquid can be in each, your bottle or jar full of water will now save you, each flush, the amount that is exactly proportionate to the mass of the bottle/jar.

While this may not seem to be much, think of the long term. How many ounces per flush you save. Now, multiply that by how many flushes per day. Now multiply that by the month. Then finally multiply that by the year. That is your true savings of both money and the environment.

You have done it! You prevailed like Mehmed II (founder of the Ottoman Empire) and now you are greener and more frugal. Fabulous!

Side note: If you are feeling very green and brave, you can do the time honored tradition of "If it's yellow, let it mellow". But that is up to you and your household.


Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Stay frugal!